


I was sure I couldn't have you

by Abbypd



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2018-02-10 02:43:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2008017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abbypd/pseuds/Abbypd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton is madly in love with his band member Luke Hemmings. He's been for years now.<br/>Luke starts dating several girls all of sudden and Ashton can't handle it, can't just sit and watch how the love of his life is searching for a love of his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I was sure I couldn't have you

“Ash!” Luke called from where he was standing in his room. Ashton was in the living room with Calum and Michael. The boys were playing FiFa so the eldest was glad Luke needed him. When Ashton walked into the blonde boy’s room, he was met with a half-naked Luke. He was standing in front of his mirror in only his bright blue boxers. Ashton tried to look away but that wasn’t that easy. Thing was, Ashton had been crushing on the younger boy since the day they met. His crush had been bearable all this time, until the day they became famous and all moved in together. Luke was his whole world now. They spend every second of the day together, and Ashton loved it. He loved Luke from his sleepy voice and his messy hair in the morning to his sleepy eyes and their cuddling session late at night. The drummer didn’t know what it was, he just was extremely attracted to everything the boy did and was. One time, Michael had caught him staring at Luke’s clothed back during an interview. In his defence though: the shirt had been very tight. No wonder he had a hard time breathing while he watched his crush and best friend standing in only his boxers.

“Ash?”

“’m sorry, what?” Ashton mumbled.

“What should I wear tonight?” the singer repeated while he locked eyes with the older boy.

“Where are you going?” Ash asked, a bit sad Luke was leaving him with the others. Not that he didn’t like them, off course he did. He just didn’t like them as much as he did Luke.

“On a date.”

“Oh.” Ouch! That really got him with his head out of the clouds. At least for a bit. And only for a second or two.

“Who’s the lucky girl?”

“Charlotte. She’s really cute and hot and I’m really surprised she agreed to go out with me to be honest.”

“Hey, none of that.” Ashton said stern.

“You’re the hottest guy I know, she’s lucky you want her, no matter how perfect she might be.”

Ashton’s cheeks burned at that, and he knew for sure they were at least a light shade of pink. Luckily for him, Luke was staring into his closet. Ashton couldn’t see his face though, nor did he get a reaction.

 

“You should definitely wear those jeans.” Ash said when the younger boy held out his black skinny jeans, waiting for approval from his best friend.

“But there’s a hole in it.” Luke didn’t sound very sure of himself, and Ashton hated it when he got insecure. He didn’t have any reason to be, why couldn’t he see that?

“So? All your jeans have holes, it’s very punk” Ashton chuckled. Luke’s face lit up at that, it was the most perfect thing Ashton had ever seen in his life.

While the half-naked boy got into the piece of clothing, Ashton started searching for his favourite shirt on Luke. It technically was his, but Luke had borrowed it once and the eldest had loved it so much, he had told the boy to keep it.

He could go on a date, Ash obviously couldn’t stop him; but if he had to go, at least he would be wearing Ashton’s shirt.

 

\-----

 

When Luke got home, he looked kinda tired. It was quite late though, so that wasn’t very surprising. He flashed Ashton a big smile, but it seemed fake to him. It didn’t reach his eyes, and it faltered soon. But maybe the older boy was just seeing things he wanted to see. That is what happens when you love someone who doesn’t love you back.

 

“So how was it?” Ashton tried his hardest to sound interested. Luke was his best friend and he wanted the boy to come to him with everything he had on his mind, whether it was something like a date or a problem or whatever. Ashton wanted to be there for him. The singer started telling about his date, how it went and how amazing Charlotte was. Ashton tried to keep his annoyance hidden, but something snapped when Luke told him they had kissed.

“I’m really sorry Lukey, I really want to hear all about it but it’s late and we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

Ash got up and walked into his room. It really was late. The drummer had stayed awake so Luke wouldn’t come home without anyone to talk to, but right now he didn’t want to hear another word from him; at least, not about his date.

“Can I join?” The eldest boy just laid down when Luke was standing in his door frame. The boys cuddled in bed all the time so Ashton didn’t know why the boy even bothered to ask.

“Sure” Ashton softly spoke. Luke instantly stripped down to his boxers and got under the covers. The drummer was lying flat on his back and Luke – despite being taller – was curled up against his side, his head on Ashton’s shoulder.

“Are you mad at me?”

Okay, the younger boy had clearly noticed he was annoyed.

“No, why would I be?”

He honestly wasn’t. He just was really, really frustrated with himself. Why did he have to fall for his straight best friend?  The younger boy responded by nuzzling his nose against Ashton’s neck. Goosebumps appeared on his darker skin and he slightly shivered. He just couldn’t help it, his crush was right there, breathing hot air against his sensitive spot. The eldest swore Luke pressed a kiss against his skin, but he was gone so soon. Ashton closed his eyes. This was driving him crazy; this had to stop.

 

\-----

 

Luke had been clinging to Ashton the whole day; during band practice, during their interview and even during their concert that night. For as far that was possible, that is. Ashton wasn’t sure whether he liked that or not. It wasn’t until they were both in his bed again when he decided they needed a break from each other. Or rather, Ashton needed a break from Luke. So that’s what he did. The next day, he got out of bed without waking the singer. He didn’t even acknowledge him during breakfast and he moved when Luke came to sit next to him in the car.

 

[From: Mikey.]

 _Dude, what’s with u and luke?_  

 

[From: Calum.]

_Ash, something up with u and Luke?_

Ashton noticed the glances between his two friends, but they didn’t say anything out loud. He honestly appreciated that. He told them it was complicated but that they didn’t have a fight or whatever. They didn’t reply. Ashton would’ve liked to know what they thought though, because they didn’t seem too pleased with the answer.

 

It hurt Ashton to stay away from the boy like that. But it hurt even more when Luke gave up and didn’t even try to get his attention anymore. Calum and Michael obviously both chose Luke’s side, they followed him around wherever he went. Ashton had never felt so lonely since he’d joined the band. The three boys were joking around during their band practice but Ashton could feel the tension in the air. Practice had never gone so wrong, it was like they were playing entirely different songs and Luke was even off key every now and then. Ashton played either to fast or to slow and Michael was getting frustrated and angry. He walked away without saying anything.

 

[From: Michael.]

_Something is clearly wrong with you two, just fucking talk to him! We have a show tomorrow, we can’t fuck that up! FIX THIS_

Calum followed Michael, leaving the two boys alone.

 

[From: Calum.]

_He’s hurt, he doesn’t understand why you won’t talk to him._

That was it. Ashton knew he had fucked up. He’d been selfish. He thought he could make himself feel better by distancing himself from Luke, but he could’ve known the boy would want to know why.

“Luke.” He softly spoke. When the boy didn’t react, he wasn’t sure whether it was because he didn’t hear him, or because he didn’t want to hear him.

“Luke, I’m sorry.”

It took a while before he got a reaction from the boy. It was only a sight, but at least he knew the boy was listening. He wanted to continue, but he didn’t know what to say the boy.

‘ _Sorry, I tried to ignore you because I have a crush on you and it hurts too much to be close to you?’_

Luke probably wouldn’t buy it, and even if he did; it would change everything. And he wasn’t sure if he was ready to find out whether it would change for better or worse.

The singer put down his guitar and turned around.

“Wanna go for a drink?”

Ashton nodded gratefully. Luke was the youngest, but he was more mature than Ashton could ever be. The boys sat down in the cafeteria, and Ashton stared at his hands before he started talking.

“I uh. I’ve been a bit of a douche today wasn’t I?” he chuckled nervously, not sure what he was going to say yet.

“Yes” was all Luke said. That didn’t really help.

“I’m really sorry, I just… I didn’t feel well and I just needed to be alone a bit, to think. I’m sorry.”

The youngest looked worried now.

“You should’ve told me. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing too bad. I just can’t tell yet. I will one day, but I’m not ready.”

Luke’s eyes only grew at that, and he reached for the drummer’s hand.

“It’s not bad, I promise. You have to trust me on this one, okay?”

The singer nodded, but he still didn’t look so sure. Ashton’s thumb caressed the boy’s hand and he kept telling him he was okay. The boys stayed like that for a while, until Michael and Calum came in looking for them. Both boys smiled bright when they saw Luke and Ashton’s intertwined hands on top of the table.

“So, now that everything is back to normal again, can we please go back to practice? We’ve got a show tomorrow and I wanted to change a few things up.” Michael spoke.

Ashton let go of Luke’s hand, but as soon as they were walking next to each other, he wrapped his arm around the boy’s frame. It had only been half a day, but he had missed the boy so much. He still had to tell though, he had promised Luke.

 

\----

 

Three days had gone by and nothing had changed. Michael and Calum were cuddled up in one chair together, while Ashton was lying on the couch. Luke walked into the room with four bottles of beer and a bag of chips.

“Move” the blonde softly spoke. Ashton obeyed, though he couldn’t move much on the small couch. Luke lied down in front of him, his back pressed against the older boy’s chest. Ashton could only see half the screen, but he didn’t want to move away from Luke. He didn’t like the movie anyways. When the movie had ended, Luke turned around so that he was facing the older boy. Their faces were ridiculously close and Ashton forgot how to breathe. He was staring at Luke’s lip ring and his brain stopped working.

“I have a date tomorrow, and I thought about taking her to the movies but don’t you think that’s a bit boring?”

Ashton closed his eyes, because he was afraid Luke could see the hurt in his eyes from so close. He sighed, pretending to be thinking, and then opened his eyes again. Luke’s blue eyes were staring into his, and he was hoping really hard the boy wouldn’t notice.

“If you like it…” was all Ashton knew to say. He honestly thought it was a bit boring and unoriginal but he didn’t want Luke to have a fun date. He knew he was being selfish but he couldn’t help it. It’s Luke, perfect blonde god Luke and he doesn’t want to share him. He simply can’t.

“Yeah, I do...” the boy didn’t sound very pleased with his best friend’s answer. Luckily for Ashton, Luke didn’t sayw anything about it anymore. He laid his head down on the couch, his face lightly pressed against Ashton’s chest. The drummer was sure Luke could hear his heart skipping several beats, which always happened when he got to close; yet he wasn’t close enough.

 

\-----

 

Luke went on several dates that week, every time with another girl. He went to Ashton for advice and every night he told about it before he got in the drummer’s bed to cuddle. Ashton got used to it but that didn’t mean it hurt any less. He just learned how to answer Luke without breaking apart in front of him. Michael noticed though. He noticed Ashton locked himself up in his room until Luke got home. He saw Ashton’s smiles were all but genuine when he told the singer to have fun.

“Dude, you’ve got to tell him.”

“Tell who what?”

“Don’t play dumb on me; Luke off course.”

“And what am I supposed to tell him?”

“Please don’t date those girls, I love you.” Michael said in Ashton’s voice. He kept a straight face while saying it though, showing he was dead serious.

“I can’t do that; I’m his best friend. It’ll ruin everything!” Ashton yelled in frustration.

“But how do you know he doesn’t feel the same way?”

“He wouldn’t go out with lots of girls if he liked me like that. We’re friends, and I just have to learn to live with that.”

“I think he deserves to know.”

“Why? He’d be grossed out and never come near to me again.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. Luke’s nothing like that. He deserves to know why you act the way you do. He doesn’t understand and he thinks you’re mad at him. He’s confused, he told me so himself.”

“What? I don’t act different?” Ashton sounded confused. He had tried his hardest to be normal around Luke.

“You’re different. I can’t tell exactly how but you seem very distant when you are with Luke. Like you’re not there.”

Ashton sighed. How was he going to change that? His thoughts were always on Luke, even when he was right beside him. He just had to concentrate on not showing the boy he was crushing on him.  

“What did you say to him?”

“That I didn’t know but I promised him I’d talk to you. But it’s kinda obvious to me.”

“I don’t know what to do Mikey.”

“You need to talk to him sooner or later. You’ll lose him if you don’t. He’s trying to win you back but who knows when he’ll get tired of you rejecting him like that.”

“I’m not rejecting him!” Ashton yelled. How could Michael even think that? He wanted Luke more than anything in the world.

“I’m just… taking my distance to protect myself.”

“Well, I have barely noticed the change myself.” Michael admitted.

“But Luke sure did. He told me you were different, he’s afraid he did or said something wrong.”

“He sure did.” Ashton laughed bitterly.

“But not on purpose. He doesn’t know. That’s why you need to tell him. If he doesn’t like you like that, at least he will stop talking about his dates in front of you. He loves you, at least as a friend. And telling him won’t change that. Seriously, you…” Michael stopped mid-sentence when he heard the front door fall shut and Calum’s voice greeting Luke. The green haired boy walked away, leaving the older boy alone with his thoughts. He didn’t have much time to think though; Luke walked into the room. He fell down on Ashton’s bed, face forward. When he didn’t move or say anything. The drummer worriedly crawled onto the bed and gently placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“What’s wrong Lukey?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” The boy mumbled into the matrass.

It didn’t take much effort from Ashton to roll the boy over so he was now on his back. He curled into Luke’s side with his arm over the taller boy’s chest.

“Tell me.” He softly said.

Luke sighed and when he still didn’t speak, Ashton nuzzled his head against his side like a cat would do; asking for attention.

 

When Ash woke up, he felt two long arms wrapped around him. Luke’s legs were intertwined with his and he really didn’t know how they had ended up in this position. He remembered falling asleep curled up next to Luke, he had been waiting for a reply for over an hour, but he didn’t get one. Ashton lifted up his head to see Luke looking at him. He looked tired, like he hadn’t slept all night.

“Morning babe” he said, his voice soft and sleepy.

“Morning.” Ashton really didn’t know what to do or to say, he felt so close to Luke and he was afraid the boy would let him go if he’d move the slightest.

“So what was wrong yesterday?” Ashton carefully tried after half an hour or so.

“It’s nothing. The date just didn’t work out.”

“Why not?”

“’s a long story.”  

“I’ve got plenty of time.” Ashton tried. He didn’t like it when Luke was sad. He could hear a soft sigh from the boy, and he kissed the skin beneath him to encourage him to talk.

“All those girls, they like Luke Hemmings, lead singer of 5 Seconds Of Summer. I feel like they only date me, hoping they’ll see a picture of us in the magazines or something. They don’t care about me at all. That girl yesterday, she barely spoke to me. She just sat there and looked around. She wasn’t interested in anything I said. And when the paps found us, she held my hand and tried to kiss me. I’ll never find someone who’ll love me for who I am.”

“Oh Lucas…” Ashton kissed the same spot again, trying to comfort him, to tell him he loved him without using any words.

“You’ll find someone. Trust me. You are an amazing person and any girl would be lucky to have you.”

He hesitated before he softly said it.

“ _I_ love you.”

“You do?”

“Off course I do!” Ashton wanted to add something; like: ‘ _you’re my best friend’_ or something else to show he meant it platonic. Only he didn’t.

“I love you too.”

It wasn’t the normal ‘I love you’. It was loaded, it had a meaning. Ashton sat up a bit and looked Luke in the eyes.

“I love you Luke.” Ashton repeated, because he wasn’t sure if the boy got it yet.

Luke sat up too and placed a light kiss on Ashton’s lips. He kept his eyes shut, afraid of what would happen if he’d open them.

“Is that why you acted weird whenever I talked about the dates?”

“Yes.” It came out as a sight. Ashton had opened his eyes again and was met with a smiling Luke.

“I went out with those girls, hoping I’d find someone I could love half as much as I loved you. I thought you were straight, and it hurt to think about you all the time even though I knew – or I thought – I couldn’t have you. I hoped I could find a girl that could distract me.”

“I have been crushing on you since the day we met.” Ashton admitted.

Luke briefly kissed him again.

“Me too.”

Ashton moved forwards, pressing his lips tightly against the younger boy’s. He could feel the boy’s breath on his skin. The drummer licked the lip ring and Luke immediately opened his mouth, letting their tongues meet for the very first time. Their hands were all over each other; Luke’s hands were in Ashton’s wild morning hair, tugging slightly. The kiss was passionate and needy and all Ashton could’ve ever hoped for.

“Okay sleeping beauty’s, time to – WHOA”

The two boys broke apart to see Calum standing in Ashton’s room, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

“What’s up?” Michael sprinted into the room, a huge grin on his face when he realised what was going on.

“You owe me fifthy dollar.” He grinned at Calum.

“I said you’d figure this out in a week, Calum gave it a month.” Michael explained when he saw the confused expression on the faces of the two blonde boys.

Luke and Ashton looked at each other and both started giggling. How could they have been so blind to all the signs?

 

**Author's Note:**

> Helloww
> 
> So, let me know what you guys think :)  
> Abbypd.tumblr.com xx


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